the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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