I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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