guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
