Four minutes until I can fart!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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