I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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