in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
