I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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