I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
MIDGETS
????
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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