last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
