I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
