how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
