Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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