I puked a lego.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
