I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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