my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
