I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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