It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
