you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
