I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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