Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
