the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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