Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
