can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
