dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
