Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
