dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
