OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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