he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
