im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
