Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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