I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
