The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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