He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
