I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
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he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
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You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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