What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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