like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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