When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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