i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
