I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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