Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
