i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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