I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
