you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
