my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
