I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
