Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
