We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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