Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
