oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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