That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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