Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
