I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
