Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I looked at my own cervix.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
