Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
