i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
