i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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