I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
