haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
