she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
