the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
