Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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