She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
