I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
