Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
