Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
